With the ever-growing library of stories about Google Glass and smartwatches, it seems we haven’t come up with any wearable products that could be considered both useful and aesthetically pleasing. Much like hybrid cars, this brand of tech has been riddled with lackluster design that our bodies wouldn’t be caught dead in. This trend could be traced back at least as far as Nintendo’s Virtual Boy.
Now, however, there exists a struggle between connecting to other web-enabled objects, and not looking like an alien cyborg. Here are some inventions that lost this battle:
1. Re-Timer
This one probably failed right out of the gate. Do you have trouble re-calibrating your sleep cycle when you get jet lag from your constant international airline travel? Enough to require a $300 purchase? Yeah, we also wish we had those kinds of problems. That being said, even for those of us who do run a Fortune 500 company, the Re-Timer may come in handy. That is, assuming you haven’t learned to take a nap.
Aside from its extremely small niche of a target market, these glasses are cartoonish, at best. With its frame extending well past the outline of your face (even more than those HD Wraparounds), and some do-hickey that rests against the bridge of your nose, the Re-Timer is best reserved for psychological experiments. It’s already embarrassing to have the Re-Timer’s green light adding what looks like bags under your sleep-deprived eyes.
Next likely product from Re-Timer: An automatic flavor injector for your caviar, for the next time you spoil it with your silver spoons.
Granted, this device is meant for medical use. That still doesn’t mean it has to be ugly. Children getting a checkup to test for symptoms of epilepsy are likely scared already, and don’t need what looks like a creepy giant arachnid squeezing their head. And no, slapping on a Dora the Explorer sticker isn’t going to change that. Scientists: They can decipher the human genome, but they can’t make us less afraid of the doctor’s office.
Next likely product from Imec: A Hannibal Lecter oxygen mask.
3. Instabeat
This pair of swimming goggles actually began as a great idea, a way for swimmers to improve their performance while monitoring their heart rate. Originally, there was a sensor placed against the user’s temple, a battery enclosure on the other side, and a color-coded light to communicate whether to slow down or speed up. While this was all enough to sell a useful product, Hind Hobeika–Instabeat’s founder–decided it needed to be more hideous. The clip-on device is now a giant blue oozy shape that looks more like an eyepatch than a cool way to control your speed in the water.
Next likely product from Instabeat: a helmet that controls the pace of your eating in a high school cafeteria.
Talk about being wrong for the right reason.
Honda had a goal in mind to help people with weakened leg muscles, or a walking impairment. That’s why they built a robotic device to provide an extra push. And hey, the current version at least looks better than a wheelchair. An aptly named Japanese tech article, however, shows us a laughable model that comes with bodyweight support.
Not only does this iteration cause an unnecessary amount of ridicule for people who least deserve it, but imagining that seat beneath you might make you cringe.
Next likely product from Honda: Orthodontic headgear to help with speech impediments.
By Jeremy Rappaport, Fueled, award winning iOS app developers, we build amazing mobile apps.
